Category Archives: Updates or Excuses

A Funny Story and a Quote

Today I became friends with my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend (the girl he dated after me). It felt good, not just because I knew it would annoy him and after everything he put me through at the end and after I felt he deserved to be annoyed, but also because she seems like a really great person. We have mutual friends who felt uncomfortable putting us in the same room together, and now we can all hang out. I have to say that I’m ecstatic about being able to enjoy their company in a more comfortable social setting considering they really are good people.

If for no other reason, today was a good day. There’s a quote from a movie I love called to Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo are DRAG QUEENS, and Robin Williams makes an appearance as well as RuPaul, and Christ Penn, and Stockard Channing… the list goes on. Basically it’s a great fucking movie y’all) and it goes like this

“Oh, get with the program mijas, no one is so rich as to throw away a friend!”

And I’m grateful to have a friend, especially one who I can bitch about my ex with. You know?

(just go to tumblr and search To Wong Foo. There are so many gifs, my heart is just so happy.)

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An Update

Hey, folks!
So, obviously I haven’t posted anything in a while. And I won’t be posting for a while more. I’ve realised that posting something every day is something I just can’t do. I’m a little lazy, yes, but also, I’m focusing on my music more and more. But I will definitely try to post something at least once a week. I’ll try my best to keep up with my Journey posts, as they may help someone someday, but no promises.
Thanks for believing in me, y’all! hope I didn’t let anyone down.

Update-ing

Hey, readers.
So, as many of you wont know, it was my birthday last week. March 14th- Pi(e) Day, as some people call it. I like being born on a memorable day. And I also like being born close to St. Patrick’s Day- two birds, one stone.
So, I got a tattoo. I mean, even that as an act of rebellion is becoming so popularized I probably just did it because I felt like it. I got a quote that I’ve mentioned before on this blog, here. I even said that I would get it tattooed some time soon on that post- funny, huh? Anyway, I actually have a funny coincidence that I’d like to share with all of you who may read this.

I got my tattoo on the 17th of March, commonly known as St. Patrick’s Day. It’s a day when people drink green beer and pretend they’re Irish.

The quote I got, in case you didn’t read my other post, is “For each of us comes a time when we must be more than what we are.” from the book The Castle of Llyr from the series the Chronicles of Prydain (read the article for the links to those, har-har). The quote was said by Dallben, who is the kindly old wizard in the book series, and also the protector of Hen Wen, an oracular pig, owned by one of the other inhabitants of Caer Dallben, Coll. Taran is an Assistant Pig-Keeper, and Dallben is, as implied by the story, Head Pig Keeper.

I was in religion class, and my teacher is a Deacon. A Deacon, boys and girls, is similar to a priest, only one can be married etc. I asked my Deacon-Religion teacher if we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day because St. Patrick ran all of the Pagans out of Ireland and all the Pagans wore dreadlocks and that’s why they called them snakes (someone told me, I was wondering if it was true, shut up), and he proceeded to read us what the church says about St. Patrick. Apparently, he was sold into the slave trade, and made a swineherd.

Well, colour me green and cover me in feathers.

Turns out I got a quote said by a pig keeper on the feast day of a former swineherd.

Ain’t life just grand?

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02.18.13

Currently, things are going rather sadly.
On Saturday night I played a show during a snow storm. It was an interesting experience, really. It kind of showed me a lot of things.
Firstly, I got there at 6, despite the ridiculous amounts of snow. I was there before the promoter and the tech, because sound check is always at 6 and I like being on time. I got there, and I only did my soundcheck at 8 o’clock, a half hour before I went on. Why? Because bands take precedence over people who get there first. I became cynical about that night from that point forward and perhaps that’s why my performance wasn’t on par with what I feel it should have been. It took me maybe four to six minutes (maybe ten, tops) to do my soundcheck. But, of course, I still didn’t soundcheck for two hours after I got there. On time. Then, when I go on to play, one of the other bands who was there were talking during my whole set. It wasn’t as if I couldn’t hear them while I performed- they were obvious. And that aggravated me to no end, because when I talk during a set, the band is never just an acoustic- they are loud and definitely not paying attention to me. But even then, I try to keep my talking to a minimum because it is rude to just talk and talk and talk while someone is expressing themselves- expressing their deepest feelings and putting them out there for all to see, because, make no mistake, that is exactly what musicians do. Good musicians anyway. Anyone whose written a song before knows how difficult it is put a feeling into words, make it sound good, and then give it to people to listen to and… and they talk. They don’t listen to you. It’s like screaming and having no one hear. I’m an acoustic act, I don’t play loudly because it’s virtually impossible to play as loudly as a band when you’re one person. The band that played after the band that was talking during my set… they didn’t even mention me. They mentioned the band who played after me, even said that they should do something together, but it was like I didn’t exist. It was like I wasn’t even there- like I hadn’t been the one who was there on time and ready to play all the songs I knew just to give people a show.
Don’t think lowly of me, dear reader. I’m not a spoiled brat who gets angry whenever people don’t listen to her. I’m used to people talking during my set. I usually do not give a damn, at all. But it’s never bands- never musicians. They always stay quiet, because the people you’re watching might do something you never thought to do. Maybe this is karma- maybe the time I made fun of that one lead singer really fucked me this time, or maybe it was a culmination of all the shitty things I’ve done in the last while- but I’ve never felt this dejected in my whole life.
I was offered to do a show on April 6th, and I’m very close to turning it down. I know this is one of those points in life that I’ll need to make a decision, and this will dictate how I feel for the rest of my life when it comes to performing. Maybe I’ll be offered another show after this one, but that’s not the point. I know that if I turn this show down, it’ll never be the same. I know I’ll never play the same, write the same or be the same. I know that the career I’ve always hoped for in music, way deep down, is dependent on my doing this show. But I just can’t bring myself to say yes yet.
I feel as though anything I write, for the rest of my life, will not be good enough. Malcolm Gladwell said in his book Outliers that to be really really good at something, you need to practice that specific thing for at least 10,000 hours. How do I ever expect to do something for 10,000 hours, number one, and how do I just assume that 10,000 hours will be what I need to be fantastic? I can’t just expect that to be the answer. I’ve written songs that I love, that I want people to like and sing along to and connect my feelings to their own. I want so badly for people to hear my music and love it. I don’t know if that can ever happen if I can’t hold ten people’s attention for a half hour.
Sometimes, I watch Neil Gaiman’s address to the graduating class of an art university from last year, and it makes me cry because I feel as though I’ll never get there. I’ve read a comic by one of my favourite people in the world, Gavin, where he takes a quote by Ira Glass and illustrates it, and it makes so much sense to me. Sometimes I read it and I get it, you know, and it makes me feel good. But I can’t take either of those two things seriously. They’re not inspiring me, today.
I hate having to write this. I hate having to write down how I feel to feel better, but I guess I just have to do this if it helps. But I just can’t understand why this is happening, or how I can get better- how I can not care about what other people think.
I don’t want pity, reader. I don’t want comments saying, ‘it’s okay, you’re fantastic, don’t worry!’ I don’t want anything. I just want people who are feeling this way to read this and say to themselves, ‘this is normal, then? these feelings of inadequacy, where nothing I ever do will be good enough, they’re okay, I’m not alone, then?’ that’s what I want. Because that’s all I ever wanted. To know that on this pale blue dot, someone else understands perfectly how I feel.
That’s all, reader. I know that I have to do this show. I know that I’m going to. But it’s so hard to bring myself to do it. If you’re feeling this way, too, watch the address, read some Zen Pencils and try not to cry yourself to sleep. That’s the only advice I can give.
Thanks, reader. See you later.

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27.01.12

Life is medium right now, friends. And I’ll tell you why.
The good and the bad are about the same right now, so therefore life is medium.
What is this ‘good and bad’ you speak of, you may ask. Well, okay here goes.

The Good

1) I’ve been invited to play with a band! I’m excited because they’re great people, and they’re great musicians. I’ve always wanted to play with a band, but I never have, so it’ll be an interesting experience to play with a fuller sound. We’re getting together a couple weeks from now to try some stuff.
2) I’ve realised that I have about 17 songs in my repertoire right now- some of which I still need to finish. It’s nice to know that I have something to do, and I have music that I can work on. You know?
3) In February, I have a  Semi-Formal to go to. I love my dress, my shoes are beautiful, and I’m bringing a fantastic friend with me, as well as being with fantastic friends.
4a) My birthday is in March, and as well as getting a prom dress for, well, prom, I’m getting my first tattoo on my birthday. It means a lot to me, and I’m so happy that I’ve been lucky enough to have my mom on board with it.
4b) Also in March, there’s a Gala that I’m attending, which is the bomb. I’m excited for that.
5) I have a show in February, and apparently a magazine is coming and they’re going to be doing an interview with all of the bands playing. It’ll be super cool to do that because I love spewing random information about myself!

The Bad
1) Exams. They’re this week. I’m kind of studying, but I’m also not really studying because, for some reason, I hate studying. But I’m really trying. Also, there’s a ton of pressure on me to do well, because of my family and my future.
2) University PSEs and Supplementary, as well as Acceptance letters. I’ve got a PSE to submit by mid February, and I’m totally nervous about it.

Some would say the bad does not outweigh the good, but I’m not so sure- these exams and PSEs will dictate the rest of my life. Damn.

Sorry for the unnecessary post! 🙂

Thanks for reading. 🙂

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18/1/13

I’m writing this post from school. I’m on my lunch hanging out in our school’s student council’s office/classroom, and listening to Los Campesinos! with my friends. This is empowering. I’ll be posting a tutorial soon on how to make shoes sparkle-y. I won’t be doing that often because most of my craft activities I get from other websites; but if everything goes right, these shoes will have removable sparkle sections. Strange, right? No clue what I mean? It’s okay, you will.
Another update: I’m thinking of making a page in conjunction to my article, My Three Bs, called My Three As. This article would include my three favourite bands/artists who begin with the letter A. Not sure if I should do this, but I might.
My exams are coming up. Also coming up, my school’s semi-formal. I’m starting to feel old, realising that I’ll be graduating soon. To leave high school is a strange thought to me. You get so much more time to build up to the transition into high school, but barely any time to build up the transition into University. I have supplementaries due that can only be 90 characters, and 300 word essays to write. Not to mention applying for scholarships. I wrote a piece earlier called University Applications and Sailor Moon, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg. I wish I could just apply and wait for acceptance instead of putting my whole high school experience on paper, virtual or otherwise.
So, that’s everything I’m going through now. It’s a little daunting, so if you have any advice, that’d be great. 🙂

Thanks for reading. You’re fantastic.

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Twitter

Sometimes, well, usually, I forget that my tweets also go to this blog, and I wonder if people think I’m some weirdo because they only see half the conversation. Also, it’s funny because I tweet about some of the random-est things, like Stargate: Atlantis episodes being on Space. My sincerest apologies.

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University Applications and Sailor Moon

So, I haven’t posted anything in a while. I suppose I’m saying that because I feel a little rusty- it’s hard to write properly when you fear being judged while making-believe that you don’t care. But to some extent I don’t care; I guess I relish the consistency of writing properly.
So, I’ll begin on the first aspect of the title of this post. University Applications.
I’m sure everyone older than I am reading this post knows what I’m talking about. And if you don’t, maybe you’re lucky. Anywho, as far as my future goes, this is really one of the first steps I’m taking to becoming a real adult- a grown up. Of course I’m scared, wouldn’t you be? Who wouldn’t be scared of their future riding on a few clicks of a mouse? My acceptance to any of my university choices depends entirely on if I cared enough to participate last year. Actual learning and being present in class weren’t really my friends last year. Not to say I didn’t maintain an 80+ average- I did. But the point is that if I had been less interested in leadership and more interested in marks, I would have done better. Some people would say that leadership and activity in your school is more important than a percentage that is easily tampered with. But, I’d like to inform those people that the universities in Ontario do not perceive that way.
My biggest fear is my life ending before it starts. “Well, Daniela,” you’re saying, “You can just apply again. It’s not as though they put a cap on the amount of times you can apply.” Maybe not, but I’ve always been the one in the family who is stable, whose life you could plan out, who would go to university and have babies and be normal. Don’t take it the wrong way- I’d love to be normal. Live a stable life, have kids, be a mom first and a career girl second, but what if… what if? So many what ifs.
I’m afraid, so I decided to blog about it. If any of the people who read the applications somehow find this post, please, be gentle to me. I just want to learn and teach and help people realise their full potential. All I want to do is have people look up to me the way I look up to my own teachers, and help them achieve their dreams the way my teachers helped me achieve mine. I want kids to look back and thank me in their Grammy speeches. I want a legacy, and I want there to be a trail of well-educated, confident and special children behind me. But it’s unlikely any of the people who read my application will stumble across this. I guess I’ll have to find a way to express all this in my supplementary.
I wish I had high marks. I wish my percentages were over 100 and universities were begging for me to attend. But, unfortunately, they’re not. I’m waiting them for them to accept me, and that’s scary. It was hard enough to get my own friends to accept me.
Guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Onto the second half of the title:
I’m not sure how the general population feels about Anime (basically, Japanese cartoons; what makes them different from “American” cartoons is usually the style of drawing and the content- mostly the drawing), I love it. That’s just me, though. Being transported into another world is one of my dreams, as I frequently live in my own dream world. So, keeping that in mind, it’s probably easy for you to understand why I love Anime and cartoons so much.
I used to have more free time, so I used to watch many more cartoons. I don’t know if any of you readers have heard of Naruto? Maybe Soul Eater? No? Well, I used to watch InuYasha, Full Metal Alchemist, Cardcaptor Sakura and of course, Sailor Moon, among others. Sailor Moon I used to watch as a child. There was an English version, and I would watch it religiously. It was one of my favourite cartoons to watch. My cousin owned all the paraphernalia; her scepter, her wand. I’m sure we used to play act episodes, too. I’ve been rewatching all the important episodes (if you’ve ever watched Anime, or any TV show religiously, you’re aware of the “FILLER” and how irritating they are to encounter) and finding myself loving it all over again. Maybe it’s the nostalgia, maybe it’s just that its a cheesy show with cheesy situations that I can lose myself in. I used to be able to busy myself easily, but my most prominent extra curricular ended last month, so I’m not at school for 26 hours a week anymore. It’s hard not to remember what I want to forget when I’m so free on time.
I guess that’s why I have a pinterest. And a blog.
Anyway, Sailor Moon hasn’t taught me anything. It’s not one of those shows were you learn about love or you learn about justice, though the main protagonist and  title character, Sailor Moon, emphasizes her affection for both Love and Justice; the show is just about a young girl struggling to live normally while her whole situation is abnormal. She’s an alien from the moon.
If you get a chance to watch it, please, do. It’ll distract you from your situation for a while. You’ll find yourself saying Japanese words to your friends, like baka or gomen or ano, but it’s worth all the ridicule. To me, anyway.

Ta ta for now.

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Passion

I attempt to be passionate in all my endeavors. If I am not passionate about it, then I will not attempt it. I gave a presentation on slavery (here, if you’re interested) today, and my teacher specifically described it as passionate. I wonder if he was not being facetious when he was doing so. I hope not, because that would only make me like him less. But I digress.
I believe in passion. I believe that without passion for anything we wouldn’t have religion, politics, philosophy. Philosophy means ‘love of wisdom’, and most religions profess love for others. Politics… well, politics.
I’m not sure how I feel about what my teacher said. I just thought I would post something not ridiculously personal. I was going to write a piece about my thoughts on Christmas, but, well, I suppose I am simply not up to the task, yet.
Anywho, thank you dear reader!

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Leo Tolstoy

Leo Tolstoy. When you hear the name, you probably immediately think, “Oh, that guy wrote War and Peace, right? Isn’t that like a thousand pages?” Yes, and yes. But he did more than that. I would probably be thinking he was best known only for War and Peace and Anna Karenina, too, if I wasn’t doing a 15 minute seminar on his written works and their impact, among other things. He wrote countless political essays and short stories, some of which I’ve been lucky enough to read in my pursuit of knowledge. On of his short stories, A Landowner’s Morning, is semi-autobiographical, and about, yeah, you guessed it, a day in the life of a landowner. During Leo’s time, people who owned land were called Princes of their land, and they had people living on their land, referred to as ‘serfs’. Leo was a landowner at one time, and the experience of leaving university to go work for his people strongly affected Leo. So much so, he wrote a short story depicting the same event.
Tolstoy’s writing is praised, not because it’s lengthy or because his stories are interesting. His writing style is real- when you read his writing, you’ll be hard pressed to not see the setting, or feel what the character is feeling. This one excerpt from A Landowner’s Morning really stands out to me, and keep in mind, this piece was written before both War and Peace and Anna Karenina, the two works that are considered his best.

“Churis’s abode consisted of a crumbling log shack, rotting at the corners, sloping to one side and so sunk into the ground that a small window with a broken pane and a shutter torn off one of its hinges and one other window, stopped up with tow, were only just visible above the manure heap. A log-built passageway with a dirty threshold and a low door, another small log shack, even lower and more ancient than the passage, a gate and a wattle shed clustered next to the main building. All this had at one time or other been covered by a single uneven roof; now, however, rotting black thatch hung thickly only on the eaves, while laths and rafters were in places clearly visible. In the front of the yard was a well with ramshackle wooden sides, the remains of a post and pulley, and a dirty puddle which had been trampled by cattle and in which ducks were now splashing about.”

Don’t you see Churis’s little house, all decrepit and wanting? I can’t help but see it.

Anyway, since I love to procrastinate, I thought maybe I would do so about something I’m actually somewhat doing. Makes sense? Nah, didn’t think so.

Thanks!

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